you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
