Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
