I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
