im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I cockslap morals
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
