I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
