Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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