My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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