yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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