Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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