Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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