well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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