He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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