I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
