Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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