I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
