the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
