do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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