I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
