respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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