Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
