Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
