im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
