i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
