I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think a kid would responsible me up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
