After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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