she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
