She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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