I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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