Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
