ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
