Please, let me fuck your mom
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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