He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
