I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
