I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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