I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
they need to just BURY HIM!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
