So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
