this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
