Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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