Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
