i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
