so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
