smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
