We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
