Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
