why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
