I just threw up on my dentist
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
