If that was your dad, he is hot
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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