Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
