Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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