He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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