mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
