Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
