i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
