im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
