Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize