She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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