Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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