dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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