I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
