I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
