i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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