I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize