yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
