It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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