My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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