Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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