He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
