the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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