he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
