You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
