i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
