I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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