There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
