Dude my mom stole all your condoms
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
